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, by Barbara Bradley Hagerty

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Product details

File Size: 954 KB

Print Length: 458 pages

Publisher: Riverhead Books (March 15, 2016)

Publication Date: March 15, 2016

Sold by: Penguin Group (USA) LLC

Language: English

ASIN: B01071REBY

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Amazon Best Sellers Rank:

#214,254 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)

This is a well written book by an accomplished author. Liked what the author had to say and read it over the Easter weekend.Why I liked the book:-* Well written story that seamlessly combines personal experience, interviews and review of research and other writing.* The material spoke to me personally - I'm 58 - and the advice and ideas came across as reasonable and thoughtfulWhat concerned me about this book:-I had the same concerns with this book as I did with Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg; Lean In and Life Reimagined are books written by highly educated middle class (at least) white people; and I ask myself how relevant the ideas and solutions presented are for the battlers of society. That's a question Hagerty asks when she refers to the audience of National Public Radio in the US as "highly intelligent and mostly white" , but then goes straight on to mostly talk to that audience.Hagerty does acknowledge the impact of economic circumstances on life (those who work at Lowe's for $10 per hour, or who have lost their homes through foreclosure), but the bulk of the book is implicitly focused on those who have the intellect, educational background and time available to reflect that a minimum financial base allows. That worries me. To some extent, this is a book aimed at those of us who have the first 4 levels of Maslow's hierarchy of needs sorted out and can spend time on "self actualization".One part that Hagerty could have left out is the section on her brother. Her brother Dave is the owner of The Atlantic. "Dave's life looks enviable: He is wealthy, with a beautiful wife and 3 exceptional boys educated at Yale or Princeton" . Dave is used as an example of a "new sort of generative phrase, one that accords with the definition I am advocating for people in midlife: targeting a problem using one's unique talents and resources". Dave generative phase is admirable; helping to release middle east hostages. I would have preferred an example more relevant for the "common" man or woman.Fortunately for myself, I am well educated and moderately well off, so the message of this book works for me (with an occasional question mark)

ARGHGH I wanted to really like this book, and I did at first. The emphasis on attitude, purpose and not being on autopilot really resonates. But as I read it, I got more and more irritated. It seems like there might be some flaws in the studies that show people are MORE satisfied and happier with their lives after their 40s and into their 50s. Who are these people in these studies? Let me guess. Self selected affluent college educated people with lots of time and money on their hands who would find it interesting and entertaining to participate in studies about their mental and emotional health. I'm guessing that people raising challenged kids, financially supporting ailing parents, working multiple jobs and dealing with physically or mentally ill spouses while their own health is slowly deteriorating don't get called on often to discuss their lives. And that sentence describes almost everyone my age that I know, but not anyone used as an example in the book. The examples given by the author of her life and the lives of her friends and family are particularly grating. These people make 6-7 figures, have enough money, existing professional success and time to change jobs, follow their bliss, work for charities, participate in athletics, go on RV trips.The Meaning of Work chapter especially made me want to throw the book across the room. (But I didn't because it's a library book, sorry Amazon). The book ends with a discussion of the 'bravery' of people making mid life career changes and has the particularly egregious example of a Philip Morris lawyer who spent her career working in Hong Kong and Switzerland defending tobacco and then after literally getting injured WHEN HER HAMMOCK BREAKS, bravely decides to change careers. So in a feat of great emotional daring, "L and her husband sold their home and bought a new one WITH ENOUGH ROOM TO BUILD A POOL HOUSE." And then started a business doing POOL THERAPY FOR DOGS.How more tone deaf can this book get?Nevertheless, I give it 2 stars because it helps me remember that all I can control is my attitude. (I just laughed again at the absurdity of the dog pool example! Enraging and hysterical at the same time.) I am living my life with purpose, and within the small window of choice I have over my circumstances choosing to be grateful for what I have. Just don't read this book if you are feeling at all vulnerable, exhausted, overworked, financially insecure, overwhelmed or trapped in the middle of middle age. It will only make you feel worse.

This book impacted me on many levels. At 54, I hit a wall about 4 years ago. This was during a time of juggling a job promotion, a very ill mother who needed my time and attention, a teenage daughter who also needed me also, and completing a Bachelor's degree that I had chipped away at for over 20 years (and wasn't willing to quit...again). I had my first panic attack which was a real eye-opener. I've been doing a sort of "crisis" evaluation for the past few years and this book has shed a lot of light into the shadowed corners. First and foremost, I appreciate the science and research cited in this book. I've read about the amygdala for years, but it's only with this book that I've come to understand how it interacts with other regions of the brain. Also, information on what we can do to prepare for an "engaged" post-employment period will hopefully stave off dementia and contribute to quality of life in twilight years, these are important topics and it's caused me to open up conversations with others who are in midlife to ask - how will you stay engaged? What are your plans? And I ask myself those same questions.There's so much in this book that I love. The links between body and mind are talked about a lot. I felt that this book spoke directly to someone in my age group and I plan to refer to it (and try to adhere to its advice) in the coming years/decades.

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